Today George Bush, in an effort to boost his flagging poll numbers, once again raised the specter of the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal, claiming to have steadfastly continued the fine Bush tradition of not getting blown. "Can you demonstrate how you avoid having oral sex?" one reporter asked after Bush's speech in which, according to the Onion, no other member of his cabinet has had oral sex either. There was silence for five minutes as Laura and George stared at each other with implacable hatred. "As you can see," Bush continued, "Laura's blue dress is remarkably free of stains, and lipstick has fortituously refused to appear on my collar." When one reporter pointed out that Laura's teeth had been honed to a fine razor edge and that her gaping, salivating Discovery-channel-special jaws could be used to circumcise unsuspecting children, Bush refused to discuss what he claimed was a "national security matter."
The Onion notes there was no cream on the celebratory cake.