Saturday, December 25, 2004

christmas eve

hope everyone's enjoying themselves.

my mother's gone insane over geoffrey rush since watching pirates of the carribean, so she forced me to watch shine tonight and now is watching quills about the marquis de sade. i left after the first head was chopped off.

Monday, December 20, 2004

no, i'm not positive

This is kind of a bad blog for me to write. and i hate writing it. but gonna get something off my chest.

I had pneumonia. after that i had segmental atelectasis, which is a common result of pneumonia. Part of my lung was blocked off by *yucky* snot. because i wasn't given treatment for it, it expanded my time sick by a month or so. Afterwards, people would ask me how i was doing. and they all had this same look in their face. Eventually I realized what the look was, because some finally asked the question: am I HIV+? did i get pneumonia because I was HIV+? and the answer is: no, i got it from someone else at work. I'm not positive. and i don't like the automatic assumption that because I'm gay and got sick, I've got HIV. I got the disease from a straight woman, and I'm pretty sure nobody's giving her looks of pity.

What bothers me about this is I support and care for many people with HIV. I don't like being made to deny having HIV as if it's some sort of crime or stigma. But it is, in the deaf community and elsewhere. I feel guilty because by denying it, I feel like I participate in the stigmatization of people with HIV. But if I don't deny it, I support the stereotype that if a gay man gets sick, he automatically has HIV. I'm fucked one way or the other.

But for the record, I'm healthy. Right now I'm struggling with people in my office giving me looks and NOT asking me the question, so I have no appropriate place to say anything about it. I just have to deal with this cloudy assumption in the air. Which sucks.

Friday, December 17, 2004


not been blogging for a while. life got too exciting.

still recovering from the damn lung problems; breathing's easier now. what's bitchy is i only had pneumonia the first week! After that the fever and everything were caused by the segmental atelectasis - which means part of my lung had been cut off due to the fluids of the pneumonia. it's like a collapsed lung, but it's only part of the lung. consider it like a broken finger instead of a broken arm. and nobody told me i had this until i went to a specialist. if i had known in Week 1 or 2, i would have had the right medicine instead of spending a fortune on shit i turned out to be allergic to. and i might be perfect now instead of "getting there." yay, modern medicine.

so now im healthy i've been re-connecting with everyone i know. that takes time. but it's been wonderful. don't spend too much time online this holiday season....

Thursday, December 02, 2004

world aids betrayal

I'm still crying over this. I have no idea how to react. I have no idea how to comment. We will never hear about it on the news. But it happened in our own city. I saw the link on Cursor. What percentage of that 23,000 were put through hell?