My feet are not my feet. When I was a child two aliens from outer space came to earth and gnawed off my real feet with sharp and bloody teeth. They then took the form of my real feet and attached themselves to my body, controlling my mind by means of a chemical agent they released directly into my bloodstream. They are extremely cold to the touch. They live by attaching themselves to the bodies of others they sleep with and sucking out the heat from their bodies until they freeze to death. Sometimes they just take all the blankets.