right, improving...

today kind of sucked. i wasn't really feeling that good but i decided to try going back to work. huge mistake.

i get on the subway and start coughing right away. not little coughs but the deep ones from the stomach. hurts like a bitch. then some old crazy guy sits next to me and starts... pushing me. Like I'm right next to the metal gate on the seat next to the door, and he's trying to shove me through it like pasta dough. and the side he's pushing on is the lung that had the pneumonia. and i can't get up and move because the train's crowded. so all the way to 96th st. i get poked and I'm pushing back like you would with a child - not really pushing, just holding his crazy old elbow back. and when i get up at 96th to switch to the express, he pushes me from behind.

that's right, pushes me.

i turn around and glare at him but i have to run catch the train so there's no time to beat the bastard upside the head like he deserves. he smiles at me triumphantly.

i think, the morning's got to get better.

but walking out of the subway kills me. i mean, kills me. by the time im at ground level im barely breathing and i look like i've run a marathon. okay. i can cope. really. or so i tell myself. i keep walking to work, take the elevator up, put my stuff down. it's 8 am; i came in early to see, you know, if i could catch up a little. i walk to my mailbox and pass my boss; she takes one look at me and asks me if i really think i should be in the office. i start coughing and i can't answer cos im short of breath anyway. she sends me home.

but it takes a while before i can get on the subway again after all that. so i walk really slowly to park place, to give myself time to recover, then just huddle and cough on the seat all the way home.

honestly, it feels like i'm not getting any better at all. i hate this.

i spend the day on the couch lying down alternately coughing and breathing hard. my friend Elizabeth comes up from jersey to say hey; she's home for the summer. we watch waking life, but i keep falling asleep; body's way too tired to cope with sitting up. elizabeth is sweet and takes good care of me. we find this horrifying website on voter suppression which i encourage everyone to check out.

here's to future health... joe