Saturday, October 30, 2004

still alive

and that was the worst experience of my life.
seriously. Insert october below.
18th: started feeling real sick. Decide to stay home.
19th: Doc says I have flu. Gives me medicine.
20th: Lips swell like balloons. People ask who punched me. Terrified have weird disease.
21st: Totally unable to breathe. Rushed to emergency room. Have pneumonia, not flu. No lung sounds. Nearly dead, in serious pain on the side of one lung, and since taking wrong medicine making everything worse. Given new medication, told lots of serious things, and sent home. End up pretty much in bed for the next several days. Which is fine because I have no cable or internet in my new apartment anyway. Since I need to get up to vomit/cough/other disgusting things, feeding cat is no problem!
22nd: Lovely friends help me in time of crisis. Jen P. brings me beautiful digital thermometer. Katie R. brings me lamp and does dishes. Can barely see their faces but is nice.
25th: Lips swell up again. This time I can tell it's an allergic reaction, but to what?
26th: More lovely friends. Keri comes and helps me do smelly sick person laundry since cannot walk more than one block at this point without passing out. Love Keri. Love fresh laundry.
27th: Allergic reaction to new medication. Covered in painful, red itchy hives. Also cause of non-collagen lip swellings. Rushed to doctor while dressed in hoodie to avoid scaring small children. Told to stop all medication (including pain medication, and my damn side still hurts) and take new medication, something called MethylPREDNISolone which is basically horrifying hormone that can really fuck you up if youre not careful.
28th: Begin new medication. Not fucked up. Someone gave me a break! Hives begin to disappear. Children reappear in my neighborhood. Dad screams at Time Warner about his dying child until they come and install internet and cable. For first time I can talk to friends etc. Choose to sleep instead due to exhaustation.
29th: Nick comes by to cheer me up. Feeling very woozy with new medication, but still improving. I go to food store (yay!) but am in bed by 7:30 (still easily exhausted.)

Hows that for a horror story? And just in time for halloween.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

keep it up yanks

just a little note there... watched the yankees with my father last night. lots of fun.

in other news, kind of frustrated with deaf politics these days. why does so much of it revolve around entertainment? yeah, captioning movies is cool. but it's not exactly the kind of thing people rally around. movies? television? how about taking back our community? our schools? how about forming foundations to tell the government more about deaf people (since Gallaudet refuses to adopt that role?) how about forming a cross-cultural and cross-social group to help unite various oppressed groups with one voice? god knows we have plenty of issues in common with women, racial minorities, and other social minorities.

right now most deaf-politics seems to revolve around the meme that we want to be the same as hearing people. access same, equality same. yet we want to remain different. we want to value our cultures and our indigenous languages. the two aren't always contradictory. but it would be unproductive to not recognize that, yes, sometimes, they are. like: if we have equal access to schools, is it possible to retain a healthy identity as a Deaf person? okay, possible, but likely? what about our linguistic development?

you know, i'm what international signers call half-deaf: i live in both deaf and hearing worlds, not really because i'm hard of hearing (i'm not) but because i was raised by a very loving hearing family. and while i love deaf people and the deaf world, i'm not going to let go of my family. and that means being open to the hearing world, being interested in what hearing people do. as an outsider and observer, yeah, but still, interested. i went through mainstream programs like a bowling ball. and finally, one day, i was given the choice: try a Deaf school, MSSD, or keep going to hearing schools in New York.

and I chose MSSD. and it changed my life forever, in ways I'm still trying to understand. I know a lot of you reading this went through the same thing. i mean, before then, i didn't really have many friends. a few people here and there. but you understand, the friendship was limited. it was like... saying hello, that kind of thing. how are you. and then all of a sudden i realized i could predict how someone would react, and I could do stuff i knew they would like. i had people i felt comfortable with. i didn't always need to talk to them because i knew how they would feel about things, and they were the same to me. and i became a part of people's lives, and they became part of mine. it's called community, and based on personal experience and stories shared by others I feel this is what's denied to mainstream students: the opportunity to be part of a community, specifically the community that is a school.

mssd was cool because gally was right there. we were part of a bigger community. and kendall was there too, which meant we could see ourselves as we were, to some extent. it can be kind of mind blowing for those of us not born into deaf families. but what bugs me is how this isn't... admitted to. community isn't seen as important. but we find ourselves through other people. yeah, you can go off and soul-search all you like. but growing up? as a teenager? adolescent? we have all those friends, all those phone calls. because we want to find ourselves, and we do it by talking to other people, trying on opinions, attitudes, ideas like excited girls in the mall try on clothes. i'm not sure someone who doesn't have that, and isn't lucky enough to happen onto a community elsewhere, will develop into a multifaceted person... i dunno. whatchall think?

and bringing it back to the yankees - i stopped watching them when i became deaf. now i think this is largely because i didn't have anyone to watch with... now i do... galore... and it's fucking awesome. plus ive rediscovered my childhood ga-ganess over pitchers... YO MOOSE!

Sunday, October 10, 2004

deaf people voting

oh yeah. we do. click here to see why, courtesy of Bree.
as for me, i know that deaf people have a lot at stake in this upcoming election. we all do. that's why Chiromeme is excited Deaf people are lobbying for Kerry. If any of those people want to talk about things here, feel free - comment away.
meanwhile, has everyone registered to vote? i was walking down the street when I picked up my voter reg card from a very nice-looking boy who looked both really eager and really bored (hed been campaigning that street for weeks.)

Thursday, October 07, 2004

72nd street station

this is my 72nd post. so it made me think of 72nd street station, maybe one of my favorite areas in the city... might describe why another time. when i actually have time. for now, YANKEES RULE. char and i went to the slaughtered lamb (which is pretty much my favorite pub in new york - got proper food, good drinks, and weird shit to look at. plus: a fireplace) to watch the team beat the crap out of the twins. well, great game, they scared the shit out of me but as char said "never count the yanks out...." and they came through.
equally interesting were the fact that five or six drunken firemen came and were hovering round char... i THINK they thought i was her boyfriend... hehehe... sorry for losing you a big ol fireman, char!
on the way home i talked to a guy on the subway who turned out to be a rugby player who played with the gotham knights. i love rugby and admire the knights so this was pretty cool for me... mind you my favorite team will probably always be the king's cross steelers.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

no deaf people in de debates

this is all just theory but im curious... have any deafies ever been to presidential debates? i don't think ive ever seen one... 1) chances are the terp would distract the debators and 2) deafies dont hear tone of voice. 2) is very important... because i think a lot of people use their voice powers to control the minds of voters. like shrubbush is supposed to have a really good voice. deaf people are not victims of their verbal powers so we see their actual words which may or may not make sense...

maybe this is why they push implants and other hearing devices so hard. so that one day they will be able to control us with their ... what's that bubbly pink thing in the back of your throat?

i hope to hear about an apartment today. everyone who comments on this blog will get sushi, handmade.

maybe vodka. if i don't finish it first ;)

yep, you knew it was coming

more apologies, this time to just about everyone:

DICKY: And you will vote for me, cos I got C-O-N-V-I-C-T ooh baby! I-O-N! What you need, what you need... just a little bit of me... Ain't gonna back down, you can fact-check my ass, you can say I've run out of money and gas, but I beliiiiiiiieve...... I did it my way.

JOHNNY: Believe me, Cheney's gotta go... and it'll grieve me, cos I love war so... but we both know: your way has got to go -

CHENEY: Wish I could say the right words to make you understand; wish I could play the father, and ground you where you stand - we had to baaaaaaand together on Iraq!

JOHNNY: We were under your spell; I wish it wasn't true - why did we listen to you? You led Halliburton way too well; all the things you do - playing with our memory; nobody knows what's true - our soldiers go through hell: Dick, this ain't a game - There'll be nothing left to save - you made us belieeeeeeve -

DICKY: I had to play the father and lead you by the hand; I had to say the right words - you want me out, but my time just hasn't passed - how can you lead if you're not going to stand fast?

JOHNNY: I won't stand fast on lies; we need the truth. We won't get it from you - Wish I could trust that it was just this once but you have lied, lied, lied, lied way too much - We can't adjust to this disgust - So we do what we must; you're done and I just

DICKY and JOHNNY: Will do it my wayyyyyyyyyyyyy....

Did anyone else fall asleep during the televised debate?

interesting story: friend Mary, physics queen, notes that a conservative radio show was discussing who was "sexier" during the debate last night-her husband was listening, "spying" on the conservatives. when someone called in and asked them why they were wasting their time on something so frivolous and useless they said they were trying to decide the undecided voters... by convincing people that Cheney was fatherly and therefore sexy, when compared to young puppy Edwards.

frankly the idea of Cheney in spandex and leather has a certain appeal, but more for MAD magazine than serious voters. but maybe the republicans ran out of ideas. or - scarier - maybe they do think he's sexy. in which case all republicans are from planet Bizarre-o-matic.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

middle east signs

kind of sad now. i know im sentimental but:

...prior to the Gulf War, there was no sign in the Arabic Sign Language for "scud missile". Within days after the start of the war, the Arab deaf community created such a sign and it is readily understood throughout the region today. -Robert Moulton, Ph.D.; Jean F. Andrews, Ph.D.; and Marshall Smith, Ph.D., in

thing is deaf people are by and large peace-loving people. sure, we sometimes get into arguments (usually of the type where "she said something about our friend who did this and do what") or we get drunk and have bar fights. but, you know, we like each other too much to fight for long. unless you're Ridor, and then you've got a grudge for life. but even then I think it's mostly drama.

so now an entire region of deaf people has to develop a war-based sign language... yeah, maybe it had to happen. still: sad.

early morning

kind of a beautiful day out there.

still apartment hunting. sort of. we found this one apartment with an amazing landlord. and we want it. it's kind of refreshing to not have someone discriminating against you in ways big or small. this guy took it easy - you know how people can just sort of step slowly when they know they're not in their world? and if you do that you somehow manage to not hurt anyone because it's obvious you're taking it easy and waiting to see how things turn out? that was what this guy was like. he didn't seem to have any assumptions. he remarked he didn't know relay had been established and that he used to work with d/d children and it would have been great for them. he asked me if it was hard working as a deaf person. just a lot of intelligent questions you know?

unfortunately he seems easy going all over and i want to sign the fucking lease yesterday.

meanwhile, the republicans are still holding the cherry out from the broken pie and saying one cherry means everything's okay. Will the little 'tards never learn? the republicans have refined their technique: now they just say all the bad stuff first then put "we saved the world from Saddam the Useless" at the end and lo and behold! the sun comes out! ah, kiss my ass.

my friend's in the hospital with pneumonia. i think her lung's collapsed. i'm too worried to write much more. i wish i knew more stuff about healing. i barely know how to stop blinding headaches.

Sunday, October 03, 2004

kill all the arabs

been thinking. had a friend tell me the other week - a deaf friend - that it was time to nuke all the arabs. kill them all in order to protect us. don't think he knew i had a bit of arab blood, don't think it mattered. i tried to talk about it but he said he would do it for his own safety and for the people he loved. wouldn't i?

well, no. i couldn't. the thing is, it's racist. not all terrorists are arabs. not all arabs are terrorists. most of the US terrorist experiences have been with white supremacists, for example (which goes to show something but i can't think what.) killing a bunch of arabs won't kill terrorists. most likely the terrorists will know it's coming and get out, and all that'll be there to kill is a bunch of innocent people. (well, they're dark skinned aren't they? de facto guilty.) and then of course we get a bunch of people who hate us a LOT because we've killed their friends. and they will then become terrorists. and don't forget not all of america is white. lots of americans are multiracial, too. that kind of racist act - killing a physically different group because you have a problem with an ideologically different group - can only lead to more suffering for everyone. plus we'd have the deaths of millions of innocents on our shoulders. murder is murder, wholesale or retail.

problem is a lot of americans have been trained to make no distinction btw act and race. we hear about a crime and, the news tells us, it's probably committed by a black person. frankly, i grew up without being trained to have the bit in my head that lets color lead to blindness. it's not anything special. it's just my mum liked being around black people and danced to reggae. she loved asian music, indian, and yes, arab; these things were part of my life from the ground up.

when i see terrorists commit a crime, i see criminals. i don't see... a group of people defined by their skin color. i see a group which has chosen to perform specific acts. a criminal group. hell, even "terrorism" is something you can break down. sometimes into "freedom fighters." you could say america was started by an act of terrorism - the boston tea party. when you cut anything down into a simple block of color - whether it's people or an idea - and forget that anything humans get involved with gets simultaneously stained and shiny, you lose sight of the real world. you start seeing people as things....

Friday, October 01, 2004

transcript of presidential debate

with apologies to joss whedon

KERRY: I'm strong -
BUSH: I'm stronger -
KERRY: I've been a soldier longer -
BUSH: I've been a whole lot wronger and I'm still standing here.
KERRY: I think, he blusters -
BUSH: He flip-flops and he flusters -
KERRY: He gave the Army feather dusters to save money on gear!
(musical interlude)
KERRY: He lieeeeeed-he said it's easy-
BUSH: He tried - but there's some fears he just won't quell -
KERRY: He's just looking for a pot of gold -
BUSH: He won't look good when he's gotten old -
KERRY: And our lives will be real stressful cause he's never quite successful -
BUSH: It'll be another whore house with a Kerry in the White House -
KERRY: Is he crazy?
BUSH: He's a dreamer -
KERRY: He's a drinker and a sniffer -
BUSH: There'll be another terror if he wins in the fall!
KERRY: So that's why I'll never fail -
BUSH: I swear that I'll never fail -

the two dance together on stage.

KERRY: When things get rough, he just hides behind his Cheney; now look, he's getting grumpy 'cos he knows that I know-
BUSH: He's rich, he's greedy, he's also kinda stinky; he never -
KERRY: His eyes are beady!
BUSH: This is my verse, hello? He -
KERRY: (spoken) Look at me, I'm dancing crazy! dances. bush joins in.
KERRY: He's dumb -
BUSH: He's dumber -
KERRY: (suspiciously) He looks a little number -
BUSH: He'll never ever tell you anything but lies.
KERRY: I've read this tale; there's election, then betrayal; I know there'll come the day you'll want to run and hide -
BUSH and KERRY: The viiiiibe... gets kind of scary...
BUSH: Like you think I'm ordinary -
KERRY: Like the world is secondary -
BUSH: Like getting Saddam's negetary -
KERRY: Will you stop the eyes and stammer?
BUSH: If you'll stop fixing my grammar -
KERRY: Admit you were in the slammer!
BUSH: I think I hear the ending bell -
KERRY: You see? He'll never tell - I swear that he'll never tell -
fade to black